everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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