I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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