God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like the plague
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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