he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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