The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i will never coherently bang her
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
