I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
