My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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