You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
