fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
