to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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