my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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