Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he just fucked me for my cheese..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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