but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
