We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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