I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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