Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
