Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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