I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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