I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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