It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
