haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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