Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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