I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
