break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, thereās still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
