I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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