I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
