she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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