your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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