Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
