it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he fucked my hip out of place.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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