Me too!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
