How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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