i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
