sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just tell him i said nine months
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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