The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
