"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
