It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
