just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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