During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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