If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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