i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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