wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
