I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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