when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
