I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I want is dick and wine.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
