Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This toilet bowl is my home.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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