Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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