I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
