The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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