Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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