I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fuck appropriateness.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
