know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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