I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
