We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
