I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
