oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
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