If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
