for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
