when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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