I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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