I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
