I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
two words: eviction party
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
