If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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