The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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