remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
