remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i already hear my dad disowning me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
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