he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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