Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Plan B is the new Plan A
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
