tonight lets celebrate not being married
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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