So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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