he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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