wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
