Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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